How I Miss You
by Josie Gibbons
Summary: COMPLETE:Sequel to 'Memories Of A Twin'. George is gone but Fred can't quite accept it, so he writes letters to his lost brother. I'm really bad at summaries, so please read and review.
1.

Okay, here we are. As promised at the end of chapter two I'm writing a sequel to 'Memories of a Twin'. Basically this is about Fred Weasley and how he copes after George's untimely death.

Kat: I hope this is what you were looking for.

Jennifer: Heehee, thanks for your review darling.

And to all my other reviewers who's names I can't remember at this minute in time…if you think this is a bad idea I don't want to hear it but I'd love to hear on any ways I could improve. Thanks again, please Read and Review as always. Love, Stargazing Maiden. (Flames welcome)

I went through a few major ideas with this one before settling on the idea of Fred writing letters to George through all the major parts of his life. I'm going to make each chapter a letter and see how far I go; though I've already decided on what the endings going to be.

CHAPTER ONE: LOST WITHOUT YOU 

DISCLAIMER: if I was JK Rowling then I wouldn't be writing this now, but if I wasn't then I would. You do the science.

Dearest George.

It's hard to believe you're gone, although it's been a full week since you left us in this shit hole. I'm nothing without you and barely find the energy to eat. Mum says I'm wasting away and I have to get myself together but it's not much short of impossible. Our bedroom seems so empty without you, your twin bed beside mine empty, in the same state as you left it when you died. Everywhere I look there are the memories of you, and it makes me cry to look around. Can you believe it? Me, crying. But I do cry, because you were the best brother anyone could ever wish for, and it begins to sink in now that you'll never live to see us grow up, not even to see Percy become minister for magic. Funny that really, in a strange little way. We never thought Percy would get anywhere after the Barty Grouch thing and now he's one of the number one Wizards in the ministry. It's strange how things can change. George got a letter today, he's head-boy, but for some strange unknown reason he's been talking about revolutionising the whole idea. He keeps asking me if I can make him some more Weasleys Wizard Wheezes, but I don't think I can. I've lost the spark for everything since you left us; even the joke shop seems to be a waste of time. I just don't have your brains to pull it off, although I try my hardest. I might have been the idea for some of our ideas but you were the brains behind the operation. You always said that you were the brains and I was the worthless looks. Ha. Just proves how right you were now doesn't it.

I don't think Ron has got over what happened, he seems to be in a state of shock most of the time. I'm not lying here when I say that one of the few phrases he's used since you died is 'bloody hell'. He just keeps looking up from what he's been doing, saying 'bloody hell' and then looking back down again. Ginny claims that he's crying when he does this but I don't want to pry into his life…least not at the moment anyway. It'll wait huh my brother. And what Ginny says I've come to trust anyway. Since you left she's been the only one I've found a chance to confide in. she's actually not that bad when you get to know her, or when you're desperate for someone to talk to.

Ever since Monday when you left us the owls have been flying in. I never realised how many people wanted to pay their respects to you, although it makes sense. You where who you were and that person was great. Though you'll be surprised to find out that even some Slytherens sent their respects to you. You really have become a local legend. I suppose in a weird way it feels kind of okay to be the 'Weasley' again after being one of the twins. But I don't really mean that, while I do. It feels good to be myself again but I miss you so much that I can't be. Everywhere I go I see your face, and its really scaring me. It's good to see you all the time cause it means I'll never forget you but its also hard because every time I see you anywhere I feel like breaking down and crying. You've been beyond the curtain for a full week now and everything I do and see reminds me of you. I feel that I've been ripped in half and my better half has fallen into decay. Rest in peace my darling brother, my other half. I will always love and miss you,

Your brother forever, Fred.

Authors note:

Okay, so I know that didn't sound anything like something Fred would write to anyone but you've got to remember that he _has _just lost his twin brother and he's going to be in a bit of a state. And I know this is very short but anyway…I'll post another chapter next week if I get reviews, but no reviews means it'll just sit on my computer getting dusty till I get bored and delete it. Don't forget your reviews inspire me not only to write more but to write better too. Thanks darlings. Love and peace, Stargazing Maiden.


	2. One Week Gone And I Still Feel You

Well I got a review within hours of posting the last chapter so I decided to write this tonight and update from school next time I get a chance, probably Monday. And I think I passed my Music practical for the Junior Cert. today so I'm in a great mood and really up for writing. This just proves what people say though; reviews make me write more, quicker and better. Least I hope it's better anyway. Thanks people. Love and peace as always, Stargazing Maiden

Authors note: this is set just about a year after George died, and for reasons concerning my plot I've decided that Lee died in an attack in Harry's fifth year. Harry is now one year out of school, because George died protecting him during his seventh year. The wars still rage and Harry hasn't defeated Voldemort yet.

Disclaimer (yawn): I don't own Harry Potter, cause if I did I'd be in the Caribbean somewhere, not sitting at home thinking about how I haven't got my maths homework done cause my mum left my book where she works. Evil Mother.

Chapter two: Moving On

Dearest George.

I'm writing to you again...as if you couldn't tell. It's been a year since you died and I'm finally starting to move on. It feels strange but in the same way it feels good. I'm finally starting to accept the way life works. I miss you though, every day. Its like I've lost half myself with you. Ginny is still being the best thing I could wish for; even though I think she's starting to wonder when I'll ever get over what happened. Least that's her attitude on the outside, but I can see inside that she misses you too, with all her heart. She's not the only one.

There has been a lot going on with us at the moment...Fleur has just announced she's pregnant and Mum's over the moon about it. I didn't realise before but our mother has always wanted to have a huge family with loads of grandchildren to dote over. Yea, well, it's going the right way anyway. This is Bill and Charlie both with children either here or on the way. Charlie had a son called Lee last month. He wanted to call his son George but Bill had already claimed that name for his first-born son. Charlie was furious when Bill told him that he'd claimed George, but he didn't mind using the name Lee. Lee was nearly as great a guy as you were; I'm sure wherever you are now you're having a great laugh winding people up.

Hermione and Ron are happy and peaceful together...we all knew that they were going to get together; it looks like it was only them who didn't. They're so sweet together, it's sickening. They're all lovey dovey and it makes me want to puke, though according to Ginny I should be making a bit more of an effort to get my life on track like they are. Yea, I suppose I should, but I just can't be bothered. Its seems like such a waste of time, only I know it wouldn't be really. Seems I know a lot of things deep down.

Everyone seems to be pairing off now, it's a bit scary. Ginny is with some lad out of her year, though I haven't bothered to find out his name, and you remember Neville Longbottom and Luna Lovegood? Got together not long after you left us. They're well sweet together, though I'm still a bit scared by Luna. She's one weird freak. I suppose that's why her and Neville connect so well. Its sweet and cute and makes me feel weird to watch them. I'm not certain if this is really my scene, the whole 'people being happy' thing. Since you died it's seemed like a waste of time, happiness. The only thing that makes me feel comfortable or relaxed nowadays is sitting by your side thinking about all our time together and talking to Ginny. I've got to go, Mum is driving poor Fleur crazy with her fussing over her, and I'm sure baby Lee will be waking up and flipping soon too. Charlie and Katelyn are staying here for a few days around your anniversary. I miss you my brother, I'll never forget you and I know you'll never forget me either. Your twin no matter what happens to us, Fred.

Okay, thanks for reading this, you all knows what to do next right? Click on the little button in the corner of your screen and send me a review... I love all feedback and it inspires me to get up in the mornings and get more stories up in time. Thanks for everything. Love and peace, Stargazing Maiden.


	3. Many Changes

Next chapter…next event…next letter to his brother. As Fred finds his life continuously too hard to handle he finds himself writing another letter to the brother he could never forget. Set five years after the death of George, Fred is now twenty-four.

DISCLAIMER: if I was J K Rowling then I wouldn't be sitting here at my crappy computer getting ready to move the next chapter to school on a floppy to update but if I wasn't I would. Do the science and get back to me when you've worked this one out.

AUTHORS NOTE: There have been some major changes in this chapter, mostly concerning that Bill had a twins instead of the planned one boy and so was really wound up and his name-plan was cancelled resulting in the girl being called Minerva and the boy being George. I was also tempted to turn this into twincest during the writing of this chapter but refused too, this is a story not a twincest story and it's going to stay that way so please don't ask for anything sad in that area. I don't like to disappoint but if it comes to it and will save a story I am more than happy too.

Also I made a mistake at the beginning of the last chapter, because Lee died during Harry's sixth year, not his fifth…I refuse to change anything from the fifth book because I found it perfect.

**CHAPTER THREE: MANY CHANGES.**

Dearest George,

I write to you now with fear in my heart and in my head. I'm scared my brother, very, very scared. As every year goes by my memories of you slip further and further into the dreams of the past and sometimes I find myself wondering if you are nothing but a figment of my imagination before realising what I'm doing. Only the photos of you that are kept so sacred in our home help to jog my memories of you in these times and it worries me that I can forget about one who I love so much in so little time. If it wasn't for those photos and the twins Minirva and George who bear you image I am sure that I would have disowned you on several occasions. Please forgive me, it's not that I'm forgetting about you because I would never do that, every moment when I am thinking straight it is of you I think. If only the times when I was thinking straight were more often, but as time goes on they get less and less.

Our bedroom is still as you left it, the same jokes and gags in the same places, the same bedspread on your twin bed beside mine. The pictures we took of each other and of us together are all around me as I sleep, in Charlie's room rather than in our own because I can't bare to wake up in the morning and not feel you beside me.

Hermione tells me I should try to move on, that you wouldn't be impressed by how I've changed, but even the wish of my sister-in-law can't change the way I feel. Ron agrees with his wife and I find myself amused by how old they're acting for their age, before remembering that they're actually twenty-two now and nearly the same age as me. I often feel they're older than me, because I still feel nineteen and how I did the day you died. I remember that day the year before like it was yesterday, do you? We were all playing around out in the sun, with Lee and the lads, and everyone was happy. Can you remember it? The summer after we left Hogwarts? And Ron and Hermione and Harry had just finished their OWL's and had their results and everyone was in a great mood. We were all playing quidditch out in the orchard and then when we came down Percy came home and admitted he'd made a mistake and he was stupid. I still remember your expression at that, like you'd won some major battle. You told him he'd never be able to live it down as long as you lived and I agreed. I didn't realise how true that statement would be, because I could never tease him about it after. I love to think back, it helps others to realise how I really couldn't live without you.

Hermione is pregnant and Ron is delighted… I've never seen him this happy before in his life. He was really worried after the complications with the last time (Hermione's miscarriage has effected us all though non more than the father-to-be) but both the officials in saint Mungo's and the Muggle _doctors_ say everything is going to plan. Even if they were a bit confused by the pregnancy aid Hermione was wearing to try and stop any possible problems. It was something Ginny threw together with permission from the head healer at Saint Mungo's where she's working full time now. Apparently they need as many qualified healers as possible with you-know-who still at large. I only hope she's okay and doesn't find herself in any trouble, though knowing Ginny she'd probably find some way of defeating him using Bogey-Bat curse or something like that. Even though it was something she started using aged twelve she still uses it all the time. I suppose you can't argue with perfection really.

I find the time nearing to leave you my brother. Because I haven't been able to leave our family home and the memories of you that haunt the hallway and rooms I am still at the beck-and-call of our mother, who is now insisting that it is meal time.

Thanks for listening to my moaning, I think of you as much as I can though my mind continuously playing tricks on me and I find it hard to think over much. Love always, your twin brother forever, Fred.

Thanks to my reviewers and loyal readers for putting up with this next chapter. Your support is amazing and inspires me to write the next chapter of these things. (Literally, I don't bother if I don't get any feedback. I like to feel appreciated). Anyway, thanks and please leave another review for this one. If you're looking for more characters dying or depressing useless characters depressed fics try looking at my other stuff…its pretty much all the same…character is depressed, character dies…character writes poems/songs/letters about dying and what it feels like. You know, that type of idea. Thanks again, love and peace as always, Stargazing Maiden.


	4. Another Chapter in my life

Sorry this took so long to post…have been busy and kept forgetting to bring this in and update. Anyway, just a warning that the next chapter could take up to three months…check my profile to see why.

Disclaimer: although I wish I owned Harry Potter and the related characters I don't.

Another chapter in Fred's life, and he's starting to wonder about everything. His mind has blanked out George now though he feels there is something missing in his life, maybe something from before the great black. That's what he calls the time when and before George died now, and during the war with Voldemort, not remembering what it was or what happened. One day when cleaning out the room that has always been left how it is he finds a picture and finds himself writing to the person in the picture, the person he vaguely recognises but can't quite place.

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter and if there's anyone out there who disagrees with me messing them around then please let me know. Actually, if you really agree with messing up characters or you really like it you should try reading 'Yoda and The Price Of Cabbage,' a HP fic I posted up the other day. It'll either make you want to hit me or make you love me but either ways good cause I always say the best thing ever is to be able to hit someone and to laugh (about it with your mates afterwards).

Chapter four: another chapter in my life 

Dear stranger,

Who are you and what were you doing in a photo in the untouched room? That's what we call this room in our house that hasn't changed in as long as I can remember, though sometimes I feel it had some special importance to me. You go up the stairs and you turn left and you hit the door. I go in there to think sometimes, when mum doesn't let me help her in the kitchen. I like thinking about things, but for some reason my family don't think I should very often. I think they're scared of what I could think about. I don't know what there is that I could think about that's so bad. I mean, there's not even that much that's happened in my life. Not before the great black and I can't remember what happened before then so I can't exactly think about it. I haven't got any photo's of myself with anyone before the great black and I don't really want them. All the pictures of me as a child are on my own; my life started when the great black finished. I was born as myself when I finished the great black, and I don't want to think about what's behind that.

But why were you in the photo? You remind me of myself when I was young but I don't see how. We're two different people and I don't see how you can look so like me. I spend my life helping mum in the kitchen and she never mentioned you before. Mum is strange but I love her. I would be lost without her. And my brothers Charlie, Percy, Bill and Ron, and my sister Ginny. Ginny is always sad, and so is Ron. I think they're stranger than mum is, but they don't. I don't remember my dad but we have photo's of him. Mum says he died in the Great Black so I don't want to know about him. Anything to do with the great black is horrible and nasty and I don't want to know. Ron has photo's of him with his friends from before the Great Black, and when I asked who they were he asked me if I didn't remember. I said I didn't and he got really sad. He says that they were Hermione and Harry and they were his best friends. I asked him if they were married meaning Hermione and Harry and he said no. He said that him and Hermione were going to be married and they had their own little babies called Payne and Kyra. He started crying after that and said that he hated me and everyone else. I don't think he did but he was sad because he missed his babies.

I tried to ask Ron who you were when I found the photo but he turned away and refused to speak so I tried Ginny and she started to cry and ran away to stay with her friend Colin. Mum says Ginny and Colin are going to be married. I asked her if I could be married but she said that we'd wait and see. I tried to ask her who you were because of the picture of you and she took it and put it in her pocket. I tried to go through her pockets later but the picture was gone. Then I found it in the frame with her picture of dad. I asked her who you were again but she told me to come to my room and tidy up so that's where I am now. Maybe she'll want me to help her in the kitchen later and I can go and talk to someone. I don't like being stuck in my room but I don't mind. It gives me some time to think and be quiet. I love being quiet.

Mum has lots of pictures in her bedroom, and when I think about it you are in most of them though I never noticed before. There is one of all of my family and you and Ron's friends Hermione and Harry and Ginnys friends Luna and Neville but I don't know who you are. You are standing next to me but I can't remember when that photo was taken. It was before the great black and that's all I know. You look very like me but I don't know why. Are we in some way related? Were you a relation of dad that we never see anymore? I have got to go now because my mum wants me again.

Yours, Fred Weasley.

I know I messed Fred around lots in this chapter but I felt like it. Anyway, it works with my story line for both this story and one of my others, 'You call; I try but can't reply.' Basically both stories follow the same storyline from different POV's. Anyway, reviews appreciated (flames inclusive). Love and peace, Stargazing Maiden.


	5. Chapter 5

DISCLAIMER: I don't own Harry Potter or any of the other characters I write fics for.

Thanks to people who reviewed. The plan was to not write any more of this for a while because I've been busy with my other stories but I've got a block on one of them and three chapters left on another so I though I should write this. And of course I've got some wonderful reviewers who don't get mad at me for taking forever to update.

NOTE ON THIS CHAPTER: While Molly Weasley told Fred who George was she didn't tell him what happened. As far as he knows George is still alive somewhere, he just doesn't know where.

ANOTHER NOTE ON THIS CHAPTER: I can see this turning very like Charlie's BOS (one of my other fics) because I couldn't resist adding another side to this story. This style might continue or it might not depending on feedback.

**Chapter Five: Realisation.**

Dearest friend.

You were my brother, weren't you? My twin even. Don't worry, mum told me about you. She said that I had a twin brother and that you were called George, but she wouldn't tell me what happened to you. I'm going to send this with our owl Pigwidgion and see if he can make it reach you but I'm not going to tell Ron. Pigwidgion is Ron and Ginny's owl, but I don't think they would be happy if they knew I was trying to write to you. They wouldn't even tell me what happened to you. I assume you moved away, Mum says that you and dad were very close so maybe that's why you went. You left some time around the great black so that must have been the problem. Everyone hated the great black, so you probably didn't want to stay around after it, and I know dad died during it so that's probably even more the reason you left. I don't get why you didn't get in contact with us though? Why didn't you at least stay in touch with Mum? She's one of the nicest people in the world; I couldn't stand if I wasn't talking to her. She says we were always so the same but I don't think we could have been really, mostly because of how I could never go away from my family. You really must have been strange.

Everyone here is really mad at me for making mum tell me about you and then making her cry. My brother Bill won't talk to me and neither will Charlie, but I don't care. They're just sad because they were never close to you but I'm sad because you aren't still close to us. I hate you for going away even though I know it's not really the way things should be. I don't really believe that you were my brother even though mum will be mad at me for saying this. Even though we look very alike that's not what makes two people twins? How could you possibly be my twin if you hate me now?

I will go now, because it is well past the time I go to bed,

Yours, your brother (?), Fred Weasley.

GEORGE'S POV

Dearest, Dearest Fred,

Oh my brother, oh my darling. How could you write such things? And how could you not remember? We were together for so long my Fred, but now that I've gone you remember nothing of me. I don't understand you now Fred; we promised each other that whatever happened we would not be forgotten me but I can tell by the way you act that you have forgotten me. Go to dad Fred, go and talk to him like you've always seen Ron and Ginny do. You'll find me then too my brother, in the grave beside his, look at the engraving and you'll understand.

I don't understand you anymore Fred, not at all. You treat the time we were together as one as if it was bad, I see you blanking it from your memories like it's something you wish had never happened. Please Fred, just think though. For many people the time you call the 'great black' was the only time there was, and I was one of those people. The time when he-who-must-not-be-named was in power was the only time many people knew, and included in those were Ron's daughters and your own nieces. Ron doesn't know the truth about what happened to Payne and Kyra but in a way I feel it's safest. Maybe in a few years their foster parents will feel it's right for them to come home to him but for now it's best they don't know the truth about their lives. It would cause too much pain for them. Payne is eleven now and nearing her time to go to Hogwarts and I think Ron is aware of this while he also knows that Kyra is ten and will be starting the year after. His wife has been dead for nine years and I can tell he still loves her with all his heart. I think the time for the truth to be revealed is finally near, that the girls will come home after Payne's birthday.

It feels strange for me, because although you are the one who is living a life with our family I am the one who really seems to understand what's happening there. I spend all my life watching you Fred, because there is nothing I would rather do and I love you sill. You promised in your early letters that you would be there for me forever and always love me but it feels now that it didn't take long for you to forget everything we shared.

I am going to watch my nieces in their Muggle home now my brother. Pray that by the time I return you will have remembered me better for who I am than some photo. You're living my dream, please remember that. Your loving brother forever and longer (though forever is a very long time), George.


	6. Final Peace

Disclaimer: Don't own Potter.

A/N: I have decided I hate this story because I messed up the plot too much. so this is the last chapter even though this could go on for years and years and years.

Chapter Six: Final Peace 

It felt weird to be lying there, looking up at the ceiling but not seeing it. Well, I could see it, but more than just seeing it I could see other things too, I could see a blue green haze that I knew was nothing to do with the ceiling, that was something outside. And I didn't know what it was, only that it was different, and it had and amazingly calming effect on me. I finally felt that life was going right, for the first time since I'd lost George. George, it all came flooding back to me now, how I had lost my twin when I was only nineteen, and how much it had hurt. And the years between, when I had forgotten about his existence, and about dad too. All those memories of happy times before he died, of playing quidditch in the orchard with Harry and Ron and Ginny. I knew it was weird, but as I lay there the only thing I could really think was that I could really do with a game of Quidditch just about now, that I hadn't played in years. And even more strangely, it seemed to make sense, it seemed to be the first and possibly only thing to make sense in years and it was about a sport.

I sat up in my bed and smiled around me, at the gathered people who were there because they knew what was to come.

"Why you all so down?" I asked, grinning at them cheekily. "Come on, do you think that's what George would have wanted." I smiled.

"George?" My mother asked, and her voice shook. "You remember George? And your father? You remember him too?"

"Yea, I remember them both." I grinned. "I don't know what's happened to me over the past few years mum, but I don't think I ever really forgot them, they were just hidden in my mind. George was my twin, and Dad looked like an older version of Charlie."

"Yes…" Ron smiled to himself. "Hey Fred?" he looked over at me.

"Yea?"

"Give Harry a smack from me for being such an ass will you."

I grinned, of course I would. And I'd hug him too, because it'd been so long since I'd seen him. I could almost see the questioning looks on my mother and families faces, and I realised that when I sat up and spoke they hoped I was coming back, that they didn't know what Ron was talking about. But for me it was obvious, my time was over and this was just my chance to say goodbye to everyone while I had a clear mind. Just one last few minutes with a clear mind, that was all I needed.

"Mum." I smiled, and she came close to me and bent down.

"Don't leave me Fred. I've already lost your brother and your father. Don't let me loose you too."

"I have to mum, I have to go and find George. I've missed him too much." she nodded, even though I could tell it hurt her.

"Go then, my son. Go and have the time of your life."

"Thank you mum." I smiled at her. "Hey mum?"

"Yea?"

"Tell everyone I love them."

I lent my head back on the pillows, and my last vision was of my mother and family standing in a circle around me with their arms around each other, and a shining tear in my baby sisters eye.

How I Miss You, 03 April 2005 – 14 November 2005.

In loving memory of all those lost, and all those we will soon loose.


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